That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
