My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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