When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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