She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I understand Curling. That high.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
