mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
