May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
