I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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