I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
