I think I just saw someone hide a body.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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