I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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