My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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