yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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