Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
