mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
