I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Im part way to drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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