cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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