so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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