Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
