I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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