I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
