OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
