please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
