Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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