Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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