The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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