theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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