Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
