I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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