I think my vagina is haunted
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
