Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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