Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize