I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
