you guys were way drunker than both of me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
