Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
