dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
