o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
