you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
