Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
