I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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