I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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