i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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