Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
