dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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