I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
