McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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