So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
