I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
