the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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