You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
