Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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