I am in a vortex of obligation.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
