What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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