If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ugly people sure do ruin things
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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