She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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