I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
