i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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