btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
